July 02, 2008
July 02, 2008 >> 11:51:25 AM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
Facebook is really getting on my nerves! I have all these Facebook
"friends" from the seminary, but I never talk or spend time with
them. What is the point of being affiliated online with them? I think I just
want to be "friends," uh, how should I put it?...with just my
friends. Would it be rude to delete them from my "friend" list? I
just want to be as real as possible...without making anyone feel badly.
Thanks,
The Facebook Foe
Dear Foe,
I think it might be a tad bit rude to delete anyone that you sought out to be
your "friend" on the Facebook network. On the other hand, it may be
just as rude to delete them if you accepted their invitation to be
"friends." Honestly though, what does it really matter whether you
trim up your "friend" list or not? I mean, Facebook is not really a
social network where people can be really loved or true friendship expanded. I
think Facebook is really just a good way to show off pictures and keep in touch
with people with whom you have already established a true friendship.
I say go ahead and delete anyone with whom you do not really have a
relationship. This most likely will not come back and bite you in the buns.
However, I will have to laugh at myself if one day on campus I overhear,
"So-and-so deleted me as a 'friend' on Facebook. They think they're so
much better than me."
Poke,
Robbie
June 18, 2008
June 18, 2008 >> 11:20:21 AM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
Obviously, the cicadas are out this summer and they are everywhere! How can I see them more as an opportunity and less as a nuisance?
Sincerely,
Sick Aida
Dear Sick Aida (clever!),
We must be on the same wavelength regarding these noisy creatures as I was pondering similar thoughts. Here is what I have come up with:
1) Cicada Soup – this is an easy recipe handed down many generations. All you need are the ingredients: 5 cups boiling water, a pinch of salt, a teaspoon of insecticide (optional) and one pound (453.6 mg) of live cicadas. Boil cicadas for 5 minutes and serve over mixed spring greens.
2) Cicada
Tag – This is a children’s game made up by the Inuit counsel of Kentucky and it's a lot of fun! Take as many friends as possible into the woods. The last person to be "attacked" by a cicada is the winner!
3) Entomological
Ministry -- Many of you may already know this, so please excuse my rhetoric:
90% of cicadas are non-believers. Ministering to them is a wonderful
opportunity for seminary students who need practice reaching out to “the lost.”
This strain of cicada only appears every 17 years so don’t miss out on your
chance to improve your evangelical skills.
-Robbie
June 04, 2008
June 04, 2008 >> 10:11:06 PM
Dear Robbie CLASSIC
Dear Robbie,
When I started at Asbury, everyone said that I would find my spouse here. Six years later I'm still single. What do I need to do?
Sincerely,
Lonely eligible manly male
Dear LEMM,
Whoa! Whoa! WHOA! Who the heck was
telling you this awful lie? Everyone? For real? EVERYONE, LEMM?? I have not met
a couple here yet that fell in love in Kingdom, Church, and World and then tied
the knot! “She was explaining the hermeneutical method while I was studying
Charles Wesley hymns and we simply could not keep our hands off of each other
ever since.” I don’t think so. OK, so maybe there are married couples here that
met while in seminary. But they are hard to find!
Here is what you need to do:
First, stop searching for your mate. I have observed so many guys on this
campus that act like The Predator when it comes to meeting ladies. Don’t be
that guy. The ladies know when they are being preyed upon (not “prayed” upon)
and it creeps them out! Second, get active and drink lots of water. You may be
single but that does not mean you are putting out the vibe. Pheromones can be a
guy’s best friend. Exercise and water will turn you into a “phero-factory” and
the ladies will notice. Lastly, TRUST GOD’S PLAN FOR YOU. He will provide! So
many guys misplace their trust into Internet dating sites. Genesis 2:18 does
not read: “The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I
will make a helper suitable for him…and he will find her at eHarmony.com in six
months or get his money back guaranteed!” -robbie
June 04, 2008 >> 10:07:40 PM
Dear Robbie CLASSIC
Dear Robbie,
My friend pointed out to me that I do not have a “Jesus Fish” on the back of my car. Is there something wrong with me?
Sincerely,
Fishless Ford
Dear Fishless,
The truth hurts sometimes because it can point out flaws in how people, and in this case Christians, live. Not having a “Jesus Fish” on your car tells others that you are not interested in being a “fisher of men and/or women and/or children”. It could also tell people that you are embarrassed by your faith or that you have a bad attitude while driving. You know that a driver without any road rage is present when you see their vehicle with the proper “Jesus Fish” attached.
Luckily, obtaining a “Jesus Fish” is as easy as handing out religious tracks to people you never have to see again. All you need to do is take a trip to your local Christian bookstore and search for the automotive section. There you will find bumper stickers, crucifix air fresheners, and of course, “Jesus Fish”!
It really pains me to walk through the seminary’s parking lots everyday to see who is and is not putting on the proper religious car ornaments. However, I am so happy to be able to have this column as an outlet to let people know that they can redeem their automotive transgressions simply by visiting the local Christian bookstore! Also, be sure pick up some breath-freshening ‘Testamints’ while you’re there. -robbie
May 29, 2008
May 29, 2008 >> 10:37:18 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
I lost my wedding ring last week and it is no where to be found. Am I still married?
Sincerely,
Single Married Guy
Dear SMG,
Honestly, I don’t think you are married anymore. Wedding officiates (thinking they are so clever and original) remind us time after time that the ring symbolizes never-ending love, honor, etc. Truth still reigns for this old saying (even though that tired cliché makes me roll my eyes and suffer a mini-stroke every time I hear it). In essence, you are not a husband until you find that ring. In fact, I hope you have been sleeping separately from the woman you were once married to…I wouldn’t want you to suffer the unholy consequences of living in sin, if you catch my drift. My best advice is to get a search party going to find that important piece of jewelry. Oh, and don’t think you can simply go buy an unsanctified replacement without an entire new ceremony…one that includes an officiate reminding you that the ring symbolizes “a never-ending….”
I hope you own a comfy couch.
-Robbie
May 14, 2008
May 14, 2008 >> 9:13:38 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
I'm sure you have noticed all the beautiful bright red
cardinals on campus these past few weeks. I have been wondering why the male birds are so pretty and the females
are less attractive. Isn't this a bit backwards according to our culture? What
was God thinking?
--Curious and Confused
Dear CC,
Why yes, I have noticed that male cardinals are far more
beautiful than the homely females. However, I do not believe that this is
“backwards” according to our culture. Human males, in general, are far more
attractive than females. I know this is hard to believe so I have generated a
non-biased comparison chart of two random pictures - one of an everyday male
and another of an everyday female:
versus
You asked, “What was God thinking?” and I share the same
sentiments when I examine the randomly selected female example. Sorry, ladies.
I expect a decent amount of hate mail over this one.
May 14, 2008 >> 9:02:48 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
My love language is that of a touch
communicator. I say hello with a quick hug, nothing unusual or awkward. Since
coming to seminary I've noticed that students here are touch-phobic. I might as
well try asking someone to converse in Ugaritic as try to get someone to speak
my "love language." Any reason why the students here are afraid of
physical contact? It's not as if giving a hug means I'm expecting to marry them
tomorrow! Any suggestions about how to convince people around here that touch is
an acceptable means of communication?
Dear Touch-less,
Yes, it’s true;
the majority of Westernized seminary students are not so good with the hugging
and touching. They’re known as the Untouchables.
In fact, last semester, my good friend and I would give out “free hugs” in
front of the student center after chapel services. Maybe one out of every 10th
student would accept our affirmation! (Note: Faculty and Staff, by school law,
are not allowed or encouraged to engage in any kind of physical touch with
students beyond a handshake or a friendly “pat-on-the-back”).
So what are you
to do with all that lovin’ you done got stored up in there? Fortunately, for
yourself and other touchy, feely types, I have devised a few memorable acronyms
to guide your need to express affection. The first is “H.A.H.A.” which stands
for “Hug A Happy African.” As you may know, our African students are extremely
approachable and always ready to give affirmation to their seminary brothers
and sisters. Personally, I try to take advantage of this weekly. The second one
is “N.O. S.M.A.S.H.” which means “Never Offer Single Males A Side Hug.” The
reason for this is because side hugs send confusing messages to single guys. Side
hugs may state, “Yeah, you’re OK, but don’t ask me out next week” OR “Hey,
you’re cute, this is what it feels like to side hug me.” As you can clearly
see, this type of hugging sends mixed signals to the lesser sex.
As a female, you
will have a difficult time expressing your love to the opposite sex, even some
of the male international students that are more touch-oriented may not be so
comfortable with embracing a female that is not their wife. On the other end,
there are students who do not appreciate being hugged whatsoever by whomever. This does not mean that
they are unloving; rather, they simply express the same level of love in a
different way (e.g., gifts, words of affirmation, time spent, etc.).
Eventually, you will know which students are and are not huggable. And remember
that John Wesley, although he is in a hardened statue form, is always down for
some huggie-hugs.
--Robbie
May 01, 2008
May 01, 2008 >> 12:49:27 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
I live in the -ville, you know Nicholasville and have to make a long, expensive
commute like 3 whole times a week for class, and I have to drive back
home. It's like a 15 mile roundtrip.With gas prices like they are, and me
owing money to all these different places like I do, do you have any tips for
us commuters? Also, what do you think is the plausibility of having a Zip
line from RJ Corman's Hanger to the Student Center?
Sincerely,
Dear LDT,
You have a few options here:
1) Carpool with other ‘Ville students
2) Bike ride it
3) Drop out of school
4) Discretely jump onto the back of trucks
5) Sleepover in the library instead of drive home
Now, all of these options are obviously awesome. You’re welcome for that. However, none of the options directly associate with Christian theology -- and I’ve notice some readers have not appreciated the absence. So let’s use the Wesleyan Quadrilateral to find out which is doctrinally appropriately for you.
First, what does Scripture have to say about this situation? Hmm, well, there is a reference to fuel: Ezekiel 4:12 suggests using human excrement for fuel. OK, maybe not possible at this moment, but it’s still thoughtful.
Second, how has Christian tradition handled this situation? Well, a horse and buggy are common use in the Amish tradition. I think we might be on to something!
Next, what has been your experience with God in this situation? I have a feeling that your experience with God has something to do with your calling to the seminary. So, we know that option #3 (see above) is not the right choice.
Finally, what is reasonable for this commute? Honestly, I believe that it is most reasonable to choose option #5. Be confident that John Wesley supports this notion because if you look closely at the Wesley statue, he seems to be pointing towards the library – the answer has been clear all along!
--robbie
April 24, 2008
April 24, 2008 >> 2:40:35 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
I enjoy working out at
the deep end…probably 4 or 5 times a week. Unfortunately, there is a person
there that exercises, well, let’s just say, “very loudly.” It’s very
distracting for me to be near this person and hear their loud “UHHHHHNNN’s!!!”
and “YEEEAAAAHHHH’s!!”. I tried changing my workout schedule but this person
seems to always be there. Also distracting my routine is when this individual
blatantly checks themselves out in the gym mirrors.
How do I approach this
person with my concern? Should I simply ignore this? And how do I hold back
laughing when they admire their reflection? Thanks.
-Gym Rat for Jesus
Dear Rat,
Wow! This concern regarding this particular student has come up a few times now so I better offer my best help (which is never that good). My first priority is to try to understand this person’s motivation for their behavior. Most likely, this person is hoping to display a sense of power and control in their environment (in this case, the Deep End). You feel unable to concentrate on your own routine which means that you are playing into their motivation.
Now- Be Assertive! You cannot simply ignore the situation…
Many mature advice givers would prompt you to approach this person and explain the situation. But this would not be good because loud people like this do not care to listen to your feelings. Instead, take a more creative approach to assertive action. When this person grunts, “UHHHHHNNNNN!!” immediately follow it up with an even louder, “DEEEEEERRRRWWWEEEAARRRR ISSSS SMMMMEELLLLY!!” An alternative to this would be to follow his “YEEEAAAAHHHH!!” with a “BUH-DAH-BUH-DOOOOO!!!” This will immediately disable further outburst.
I wish I could advise you on how
not to laugh when they check themselves out in the mirror. But I also wish I
could live with the Smurfs one day. Some things are simply not possible.
Robbie
April 10, 2008
April 10, 2008 >> 1:48:46 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
I want to
take my wife out on a fun date - something that we have never done before.
However, we have been married for a while now and I suffer from a severe lack
of creativity. Normally I am able to overcome this by paying someone else to be
creative for me (a chef, a movie director, a band, an actor, etc).
Unfortunately, I have given all of my money to professors and crying babies.
Any suggestions?
Seriously, broke and uninspired
Dear Broke,
You
wrote, “Something that we have never done before.” Tell me, have you and your
wife never had a fun date? Or are you
looking for a fun date that you two have
not already done? And if it’s the latter, are you assuming that I know what
fun dates you have been on and expect me to pull a new idea for you right out
of my donkey? OK fine, I’ll see what I can do.
The first
important step is to understand your uncreative nature. I have included a
scientifically proved graph (Fig. 1) to highlight the nature of man:
As one can clearly see, the
marital creativity curve sharply drops just after the honeymoon. Some
psychologists call this phenomenon the “Idiot Husband Effect” or IHE for short.
Also note the sudden spike in creativity, that’s going to be your fun, creative
date.
It is
best to start saving cash in a “date jar” right now. Place it next to your “tithe
jar” (so you will be allowed in heaven…jk). Try to load it with $3-5/day with
plans to date two to four times a month. This allows $21-$70 per date depending
on your rate of going out. Hey, you’re not so poor now!
Here are fun date ideas. Combine them as you see fit:
-Antique stores in downtown
-Lexington Legends: Class A Baseball at Applebee’s Park
-Picnic at
-Stroll at Veteran’s Park: bring your disc golf equipment!
-Lexington Theatre: sometimes shows old classic films as well as new films
-Woodford Reserve Tour: beautiful spring landscape in
And finally my favorite:
-Sitting next to my sweetie in front of the John Wesley statue and silently reflecting on his life.
Robbie
April 02, 2008
April 02, 2008 >> 11:16:19 AM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
I'm having a hard time adjusting to the politeness and
manners seminary students show during intramural sports. I mean, even when
somebody really screws up, the whole team gives them encouragement and high
fives!! What's up with that?? Any suggestion on how I can remind my team that
winning is the only thing matters? (Other than yelling in their face. That
didn't work.)
Sincerely,
My Identity is
Based in Sports
Dear MIBS,
Seminary
life requires a lot of “getting used to,” as they say. Unfortunately, people
who are adjusted to the seminary style will want newcomers, like you, to adjust
as well. This is especially hard for those who have become secure in the world
of “winning” and “being #1” because seminary students think that these two
notions are ridiculous. They’re wrong. Winning in sports has to be the only
thing that matters because that’s all that you’re good at (aside from arguing
with professors and other students in class). What you will have to do in order
to get the truth across is to use some powerful verbal tactics that I’ve
observed by some real “winners” in the Seminarian Intramural Sport circuit:
1) Do not hold back from
giving a high five to someone who screws up. However, make sure to include a
comment like, “I really didn’t expect much out of you anyway.”
2) When you receive praise from your seminary teammates for that awesome volleyball spike, make it a point to reply, “Yeah, I know. Maybe you could learn something from it.”
3) Some seminary teammates will probably come up to you apologizing after your team loses a match. This is where best to interject with, “It’s OK. There are no winners or losers anyway except that we just lost the match so I guess we’re all losers now thanks to you.”
Yelling in their face doesn’t work, as you said, because it confuses them. But as you can
see here, sarcasm and petty remarks can be highly effective in making students
become a little more aggressive and driven in intramural sports with as little confusion possible!
Oh, and don’t forget that these tactics for winning can be
applied to your children as well!
Cordially,
Robbie
March 20, 2008
March 20, 2008 >> 5:13:03 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear
Robbie,
Why
do they call Spring Break "Reading Week"?
Sincerely, Befuddled Breaker
Dear
BB,
At first I thought that
all institutes of higher education referred to this week in the same manner:
“Reading Week.” However, I recently found out that my friend in medical school
is currently on her “Spring Break.” What this means is that we students here at
the seminary are alone on the matter. And the name of the week may not seem
like a big deal, but it is. You see, when students hear the phase “Spring
Break!!!” they think about vacation with friends, the beach, and possibly a
drink with a little umbrella in it (non-alcoholic, of course). But when
students hear the phrase “Reading Week,” they think only about the library,
books, research papers, and possibly some time spent reflecting about the life
of John Wesley.
You see BB, this could
all perhaps be a ploy to make sure students are “guilted” into spending a free
week academically. The higher ups know that we seminary types have consciences
that eat us alive whenever a feeling of guilt floats by. For example, let’s say
that next week you are on the beach and your friend asks you how you like your
“Spring Break” so far. Your response is, “Oh, it’s great! But it’s not called
Spring Break. It’s called Reading Week.” This simple dialogue seems innocent in
nature. But as the day wears on you think about the fun you are having while
your seminary back home is trusting that you are reading, researching, and
possibly spending time reflecting on the life of John Wesley. Within a day, you
are back in town and spending your time more academically than ever!
Enjoy your Reading Week!
-Robbie
March 10, 2008
March 10, 2008 >> 8:56:15 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
I am graduating in May and trying to figure out who to send graduation
announcements to. I'm obviously going to send them to people who have
helped support me financially and spiritually, but what about family and
friends? Are graduation announcements just a polite way of asking for
money? Is it considered gauche to send them to acquaintances and family
members you aren't close to? Please help!
-- Member of the Class of '08
Dear Member,
There are people out there that support students
financially?? Who are these people? Why haven’t I heard of this? Once again I
have been royally ripped off. But I digress…
Member, sending out graduation announcements is
not the same as sending out “give me cash and gifts” announcements (those are
actually called ‘wedding announcements’). No person that receives an
announcement for your graduation is obligated to give anything, which is nice
because that takes a lot of weight off your shoulders. Send your “GA’s” to
anyone whom you want to share in the joy of your accomplishment, including your
family and friends. I think you are supposed to mail them out two weeks prior
to graduating. Write back a thank you note to anyone who sends a gift (unless
it is a crappy gift).
--Robbie
March 04, 2008
March 04, 2008 >> 4:33:08 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
Where have you been? March Madness is coming up - what techniques should I
employ to watch/listen to games, while pretending to be interested in
class?
Sincerely,
Almost Good
Student Guy
Dear Almost,
“Where haven’t I been?” really should be the
question. To tell you the truth, I have done some major traveling these past
few months. For instance, in January I drove down to the Talbot community in
Wilmore to see the sights. For Martin Luther King’s Birthday I trekked around
the Woodspointe Area in Wilmore to meet with friends that I had not seen for
hours. And finally on Valentine’s Day, my special someone and I traveled to
Main Street to delight in the heavenly fare of heart-shaped Little Debbie®
snacks (still available!) at Tastebud’s Diner in Wilmore. Obviously, I have
been too busy to write.
I feel for you sports-nuts that have to
endure the daily grind of school and work during the month of March. Honestly,
what seminary student has time to bother with exegesis of the Gospels or developing
mock-grant proposals for a class assignment when literally sixty-three of NCAA
basketball games will be played in a matter of days?
There is hope for all “Almost Good Students”
out there who are willing to dream the dreams and look forward to a future of
change (I think I just ripped off Obama)…
The first task is to get to class early. Not
only will this make you appear to be a diligent student – you will also have
priority seat choice – this, of course, is the back row all the way right side.
Next is your visual source. Hopefully, you own a laptop. Rent one from the
library if you do not own one. If they ask you what you need it for tell them
that you are planning on writing a grant proposal to raise the wages of all
Info Commons employees. They fall for that one ALL THE TIME.
So now you are in the back row of the class
with your laptop. Take a flesh-tone ear bud and run it underneath your shirt
into your right ear. Type your way to ncaasports.com/mmod -- all games
streaming live. Finally comes the toughest part: You must practice muscular
facial and axial discipline: You will blow your cover if the professor sees you
smiling, frowning, or teeth grinding at your computer. What I do for practice
is to have my wife interchangeably insult and praise me while I am looking in a
mirror to observe my facial control. This exercise assures me that I am ready
to watch games with a completely student-like guide, but it also leaves me
emotionally confused about my marriage.
Best of luck to you, Almost Good Student Guy!
January 02, 2008
January 02, 2008 >> 6:50:47 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
I have noticed in my walkings across campus that when it rains a bizillion
little worms come out on the sidewalk and I was wondering if you know
where they are going?
Thanks,
Wormwatcher
Dear Wormwatcher,
First off, it is nice to meet a
fellow fictional high-numbers fanatic like myself. I have a feeling that there
are a gatrillion others like us out there. Anyway, the reason you are seeing a bizillion
worms surface when it rains is because the wet ground is safe for them to
travel about and meet other worm lovers. To an earthworm, the wet ground
is a wild singles’ bar. It is kind of like how to a
Christian, Starbucks is a wild singles’ bar**. So to answer your question: Where
are they going? The worms are going to get their funky groove thing on.
Robbie
**this statement is derived from personal experience
December 06, 2007
December 06, 2007 >> 7:43:08 AM
Dear Robbie
A dear friend of mine is turning a lot of our mutual friends into zombies and vampires using dark arts he learned from some of his world travels. I keep telling him that this time of semester is inconvenient since they need to
study, take tests during the day, etc, but he tells me that I'm not being
culturally sensitive. What should I do?
--Culturally Curious
Dear Curious,
--Robbie
November 15, 2007
November 15, 2007 >> 9:56:28 AM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
Do you think it's ok to text during chapel?
Regards,
needtocommunicateallthetime.com
Dear Need To,
Some students are more important than others. It is a simple fact. The lesser important students need to pay attention to whatever is happening during the chapel service, whether it is worship, the sermon, the Eucharist, etc.
On the other hand, the more important students, like you, should prioritize their time. The persona of an important student says, “Yes, I am here physically, but mentally I am getting important stuff done elsewhere.” What I am saying to you is that texting certainly is OK during any part of chapel. But this only applies to the distinguished part of the student body. A trivial student should be reported immediately if they are caught using their phone for any reason during the service. The only reason a trivial student should touch their phone during service is to let a more important student borrow it. That is the ONLY exception to the rule.
Thanks for your question! I’ll TTYL CUZ I G2G.
- Rob
November 15, 2007 >> 9:53:25 AM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
I am not sure how to ask this...I guess I am a little embarrassed. There
are quite a few restrooms on this campus that have timed lights and
no windows. You may already be beginning to see this dark problem. I have
a pretty 'regular' day on Tuesdays, and after lunch in the cafeteria nature
naturally takes its course. As a student who lives off campus, my
need is much too urgent to allow me the time it takes to make it home. I
know of a couple restrooms that have light switches, but I'm a guy who likes
variety. Besides, there are often other guys in there or it is all too
evident that they recently have been, if you catch my drift...or theirs.
So here's the picture: The other day I was about to begin the “paper work” when
the auto lights go off. Can you imagine the difficulty of continuously pressing
my cell phone button in order to keep illumination while holding my ice cream
cone in the other hand? What am I supposed to do?
Sincerely,
Can't See Squat
Dear CSS,
You are not the only squatter who
is not casting shadows. In fact, yours truly has been blinded in this very
situation (However, I was not eating an ice cream cone at the time). A couple
months ago I asked some other students if they had solutions to remedy this
bathroom catastrophe. Here is a summary of the ideas passed around:
1) Keep
a deflated beach ball in your bag. Blow it up and serve it over the stall door
to activate the motion sensors.
2) Pray
for revival. A flaming tongue will appear above your head if your faith is strong.
The flaming tongue should produce enough light to finish the job.
3) Cry
out “Free Bread from Panera!” Within minutes, keen-eared students will come
running from the farthest reaches of campus.
- Robbie
October 24, 2007
October 24, 2007 >> 11:55:51 AM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
My embarrassing problem is something that I believe that I share with many in my fellow male community here at Asbury. I cannot control the urge to blurt out “That’s what she said” in response to another’s comment whenever the opportunity arises. I have even unintentionally said it to a professor during a lecture on holiness (of all topics!). Everyone seems to speak cautiously around me now and I don’t want my professors to think I’m an idiot. What am I going to do??
-Blundered Blurter
It sounds to me that you are in a really sticky situation where you’re going to have to explore yourself deeper*. I overhear many guys joking around with this statement; however, it is nonetheless offensive. My best recommendation is to think about the people that are badly hurt or offended when the phrase is heard. Soon enough, you will develop an empathy that allows you to discontinue the offending remark. In this community, it is very important to say things that are non-offensive and accepted by everyone. I would hate to imagine that your chances of graduating from here are negated because of a continuing remark that upset people. I have faith that you will pick yourself up and move on with dignity and social acceptance.
-Robbie
* that’s what she said.
October 10, 2007
October 10, 2007 >> 8:42:45 AM
Dear Robbie,
Dear Circe,
It is up to you to decide how you want to handle his new love interest. My advice is to meet her at Winwin’s Tavern for some Viking coffee. Upon chatting, you could offer to trade some goods for her to leave him. Purchase the new Vera Bradley arrow quiver and offer it as a fair trade. Female elves cannot resist such an offer.
-Robbie
October 04, 2007
October 04, 2007 >> 8:22:37 AM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
How
do I become a trendier, more relevant Christian?
Thanks!
Not with it
Dear Not With It,
So you want to become trendier, eh? I am not sure if this can be done with a step-by-step process. However, I have observed some general practices (some of which I just realized that I am involved) of trendy Christians that I can share. Try to adopt as many of these trends as possible to ensure your goal:
§ Get a brand new laptop. It must be pure white and have a fruit-logo, if you know what I mean.
§ Wear t-shirts that have hip designs all over the fabric. (*trendinicity is increased if a logo is in a random location on the shirt.)
§ Buy and listen to positive, cutting-edge music
§ Hang out in coffee shops as often as possible
§ Wear “Cause Awareness” bracelets
-Robbie
September 27, 2007
September 27, 2007 >> 9:49:06 AM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
Dear Distraught,
Try wearing sweaters to class.
-Robbie
September 20, 2007
September 20, 2007 >> 8:56:15 AM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
Dear Let Down,
On the flip side, seminary students are just like the rest of the population. You will find all types of personalities including the types that do not necessarily feel comfortable experiencing moments with others on a very informal basis. This is quite normal and is no way a personal attack on your person.
Life is funny like that; we come to seminary with certain expectations but realize that we are not a community that is unlike any other in the way of informalities. Do not be discouraged about this situation. Keep your outgoing persona in public, because it will help you to make some unexpected connections. Perhaps it is a good thing that not everyone on campus has the same personality traits. Here is a cheesy cliché for you: Celebrate Diversity. Ugh, I cannot believe I just said that…but it is an important value.
Do you have a question for Robbie? Send it to community_news@asburyseminary.edu!
September 13, 2007
September 13, 2007 >> 10:15:07 AM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
Hopeless Romantic
Dear HR,
You have come to the right guy
because I know no one that is more romantically in tune than me. My very first
thought is to pack a picnic for two and take her on a journey to the statue of
John Wesley behind the Info Commons. Perhaps you can set up the scene so that
Wesley is holding the ring in his outstretched arm? It would be impossible for
her to resist your proposal because a) The ladies love picnics, and b) The
ladies love John Wesley.
Another idea might be to take her
to the Deep End workout room. You can get down on one knee and show her the
ring as she pumps out her last military press. Your hearts will be beating so
fast that you both can skip the cardio workout for the day.
Finally, to really “woo” her, place
the ring in her SPO box with a note that asks for her hand in marriage. On the
note will be two boxes for her to check “YES” or “NO”. Write your SPO # at the
very end of the note so she can reply to you accordingly. You will then know
whether or not you have a fiancé the next time you get your mail! Honestly,
proposals do not get much more amorous. -Robbie
September 07, 2007
September 07, 2007 >> 5:34:44 PM
Dear Robbie
Dear Robbie,
I saw a group of people on campus flinging their flip-flops all over the place. What the heck were they doing??
Cordially,
Curious Candice
Dear Curious,
The people you saw were either (1) escapees from the Jessamine County mental health facilities or (2) students playing “flip-flop golf”. Let’s assume number two but not be too surprised if it was actually number one: Flip-Flop Golf is a game where players use their flip-flops (or “sandals” for all you northerners) to hit a specific target in as little tries as possible. The flip-flops are projected at the target by kicking them off. The cool part about the game is that players make up “holes” as they go along and how many tries it should take to make “par”. For example, the players might decide to try to nail the statue of John Wesley from the fountain and they have to hit him in three kicks or less. This game is just another way to have a little fun at no cost in between writing papers that compare Calvinism to the city sewer system.
-Robbie
