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October 10, 2007 >> 08:42:45 AM

Dear Robbie,

                 My online-boyfriend (now my EX-online-boyfriend) just dumped me, because I’m only a 5th level sorceress in the computer game EverQuest. Now I hear that he’s dating some 9th level Elvin floozy. It’s not my fault that I am not at a higher level because most of my time goes to inductive biblical studies and other classes. How do I get him back??

  Truly,

 Circe, daughter of the third sun

 
Dear Circe,

     Getting your ex-boyfriend back is going to be quite difficult considering that he is now online dating another person. You must be quite tactful to get him to come back to you. Perhaps you could remind him of your first date. Make sure to include romantic details like, “We walked hand in hand towards the setting sun after defeating Redwald, the Crafty Warlock.” Prompting memories like the aforementioned will cause him to reminisce on the great times you shared, and the reasons he asked you out in the first place.

 It is up to you to decide how you want to handle his new love interest. My advice is to meet her at Winwin’s Tavern for some Viking coffee. Upon chatting, you could offer to trade some goods for her to leave him. Purchase the new Vera Bradley arrow quiver and offer it as a fair trade. Female elves cannot resist such an offer.

 

 -Robbie

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